Between You, Me and the Lamp Post
Day 9: Is your child a genius
While some parents keep their pride to themselves, others tell all and sundry what a genius they have created. Listeners usually indulge those proud parents, they nod their head and think … yeah, yeah, yeah and then have a good laugh behind their back.
Every now and then though, some parents take the bragging about their child to a whole new level. They’re not merely bragging, they are so pompous and pretentious that they believe their own lies.
They Marten for instance, he posted on Facebook …
My toddler told me why Pablo Neruda was a better poet than Robert Frost. It had to do with who wrote more about grapes, vineyards and wine. Then, after taking a swig of merlot, he called Frost a twat.
A toddler drinking Merlot ... surely Marten was kidding.
Then there's Rebecca, she wrote her daughter said the following …
"DID YOU STICK YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR VAGINA, MUM?"
My daughter, 8 years old, on a packed tube during rush hour, who's lifes ambition is to mortifying the poor fucker that brought her into this world 😐 and, yes, shes also a lot smarter than me.
I dont think I'm making it out of this one alive...
Perhaps Rebecca's daughter can teach her mother how to spell.
And last but not least, my personal favorite, Laurie. Laurie wrote:
I knew this kid was way smarter than I've ever been. Smarter than his Dad, too. He was three, hanging on the gate, watching a man fix his motorcycle. When it started again, the guy drove off, and my son came running for me saying, "It's a good idea to have an internal combustion engine on a motorbike, because if you had an external combustion engine, you'd burn your legs." When I was 3 I couldn't have said internal or external or combustion, never mind knowing what they meant! He was 4 when he explained to me that the encyclopedias were in alphabetical order which would make it much easier to find things, and wasn't that a good idea - I didn't know he knew what alphabetical order was! Never mind knowing why.
A 3-year-old who knows the difference between an internal and external combustion engine … wow. A 3-year-old who uses the word combustion … wow.
All this is bullshit of course. I did some research and found the following …
A 3-year-old should be able to:
- Say his or her name and age
- Speak 250 to 500 words
- Answer simple questions
- Speak in sentences of five to six words, and speak in complete sentences by age 4
- Speak clearly, although he may not be fully comprehensible until age 4
- Tell stories
- Correctly name familiar colors
- Understand the idea of same and different, start comparing sizes
- Pretend and fantasize more creatively
- Follow three-part commands
- Remember parts of a story
- Understand time better (for example, morning, afternoon, night)
- Count, and understand the concept of counting
- Sort objects by shape and color
- Complete age-appropriate puzzles
In addition, I contacted a schoolteacher and asked her if what Marten, Rebecca, and Laurie claimed could be true. She laughed out loud.
"While some children are obviously smarter than others," she said, "every now and then there are the truly gifted ones. Its' not uncommon for these gifted children later in life to be diagnosed with autism or Asperger's Syndrome."
When I looked up Asperger's Syndrome I found the following:
Asperger's Syndrome is a pervasive developmental disorder characterized by deficits in social communication and by repetitive patterns of behaviors, or interests. It is observed in some gifted children.
If your child is of average intelligence … count your blessings.